Unnecessaries: Trigger Warnings

Trigger Warning: a statement at the start of a piece of writing, video, etc., alerting the reader or viewer to the fact that it contains potentially distressing material (often used to introduce a description of such content).


I have a great fear of snakes. I have a great fear of a few things, but I will just stick with snakes.  This may come from the fact that when I used to mow my parents’ yard, there were a couple times where there was a snake and I didn’t see it and the end result wasn’t pretty. The other time the snake actually slithered out from underneath the mower, and I ran like Forrest Gump. I actually have a hard time mowing lawns because of this fear, but do I stop mowing for the rest of my life? No. Do I ask that if other people are posting something on Facebook about snakes that they have a warning? No. This may surprise people, but the world doesn’t cater to everyone’s specific “needs”.
I don’t know when it happened, but the world took a twist. Everyone decided that they were the most important person and everyone needed to coddle them.  The truth is this world isn’t here to coddle you. If you want that, go to your parent, grandparent, spouse, etc. but don’t expect everyone to drop everything and make sure they are fitting to your standards. I stopped expecting people to be sensitive about things with me because it’s not like people can remember what your fears are or what you struggle with, they are thinking about those things for themselves. The thing is, you know those things about yourself. When you get on social media, you should be preparing yourself for anything.


Only thing we have to fear is fear itself. ~ FDR


It’s pretty much the same as not taking responsibility for your actions. You want to put the blame on someone else, you don’t want to have to do the work and you point a finger in a different direction when it affects you. The best thing to do is face whatever triggers you, maybe not directly, but try to understand it, research it if you can.  I believe this is why we have so many drugs (prescription and nonprescription) in our society, we think that is the solution instead of facing things head on or dealing with it. Medicine wasn’t always around, what do you think people did centuries ago when they had anxiety? Don’t say smoked pot, because I’m sure that wasn’t available everywhere. I’m not one who likes drugs of any kind, natural or not. I think people need to learn how to deal with things, otherwise it’s a downward spiraling black hole, and you won’t be able to live your life without consuming yourself over things that the world won’t help you with.  In my opinion, read the bible and pray about it. Sometimes you just need to pray for a peaceful mind and heart.

This post was not intended to offend anyone, this is just something that I don’t think is necessary and I think sometimes people have a hard time seeing outside of themselves. My blog is mostly intended to give different perspectives than what is out there.

Peace,
Chloé

Don’t Touch Me

I know we’ve all heard of the five love languages, but let me show you mine in order of my most needed to least: (5lovelanguages.com)
9 Quality Time
9 Words of Affirmation
6 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch
1 Receiving Gifts

Now I want to break this down, so that people can understand a little bit more about me.  Obviously Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are tied but let’s start with Quality Time.
I don’t really know where this stemmed from and why I need it so badly, but that’s how it is. Maybe it’s the lack of my dad in my life, or just not feeling safe without people around me, I don’t know, but I am so needy of  quality time.  I don’t think people realize how much I enjoy their company.  Yes, I’m introverted, but I love spending time with people.  That’s how I get to know my friends and family and have real conversations, not just surface level “hi, how are you?” “I’m fine” exchanges.  I don’t care if we are sitting and doing nothing exciting or if we are at Disneyworld, to me it’s all the same. I just want to be with people, but when I haven’t spent time with people in awhile it’s hard for me to initiate a hang out.
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(Lakeville, MI 2016) 
Words of Affirmation is also a key to me feeling loved.  I’m pretty sure I know where this stems from, but I don’t want to get into the details of it. In order for me to feel cared about, I like to hear a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you”, I don’t mind if it’s a compliment on my looks either.  When I get brought down and blamed for things, or am told I’m not good enough, or trying hard enough, that’s when I become extremely self-concious and insecure. I don’t feel like I measure up to people when they say those things. I understand that it can be necessary in order to learn from mistakes, but there’s a saying out there that for every negative comment there needs to be five compliments following it.  I will be completely honest, I feel like I don’t get complimented or reassured as often as I need. But I make do with quality time. I like when people are honest with me about their feelings, good or bad, but there is a nice tone and bad tone that makes all the difference.

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(Winter 2015)
Acts of Service is complicated. I don’t really like doing things for people, which sounds awful, I know.  I also don’t really expect people to serve me, I like unexpected gestures, but I don’t need them to feel loved.  I am, however, looking at trying to serve in the community again, because that is a really good way to find things out about yourself.  As of lately I do try to find ways to serve people in my life, but I’m honestly not very good at finding those ways, most of the time I need to be told how I can help.

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                                                  (mission trip in Missouri, circa 2011)
Physical Touch is an interesting one for me. I really don’t like it, but it also depends on the person. I like it when it’s necessary, meaning I am in a state of mind where I can no longer function properly and just need to be close to someone. I don’t mind cuddling, but that also depends on who it is.  I guess I always just thought it was weird when girls would hold each others hands while walking or would cuddle up with each other. To me being in physical contact is an intimate thing and is to be taken seriously, not just in a romantic relationship but as well as a friendship.  I never want to overuse my physical touch because I want it to mean something when I do hug someone or touch someone.  I do rely on it at times, but all my friends know that I don’t like hugs, so that’s not the first thing they do to me, it’s usually an awkward exchange of reaching out arms and seeing if I’m willing to accept the hug, in which case I usually do.  Anyway, I guess I really don’t like physical touch to much with girls because to me it’s just something you do when you’re in a romantic relationship, but that’s just my mindset. So yeah, I’m not the biggest fan of hugs if you’re a girl, and if you’re a guy, I probably want a hug, because I don’t have as many guy friends as I used to have.
Receiving gifts…I’m kind of surprised that this is at the very bottom. I thought physical touch would be at the bottom. I never expect to get a gift randomly, but because I am in the stage where money is tight and I want to do things in life (that require money) I really do feel loved when someone buys me something or pays for me, or even gives me money out of the kindness of their heart. And to anyone who has helped me in any financial way, thank you so much. You don’t know how much it means to me! But I think when it comes to a romantic relationship I really don’t expect presents, I would rather just spend time together and have discussions. This might also stem from the fact that one year on my birthday I got a turkey foot in my gift, seriously… a real turkey foot. It was disgusting.

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(My 17th? birthday present, circa 2011)
I just wanted this to be a way for people to see my needs, and maybe if they feel like it, use it as a guide for our friendship. I think that the five love languages are really important because they can better our relationships with one another. We just have to be open about those languages with each other, and figure out ways we can make them happen.

Get to Know the REAL Me!

Alright, so I would like to introduce myself if you don’t already know me or didn’t read my description of my blog. My name is Chloé Jackson, I am 21 years old and I live in the Great Lake State. I am lucky to live about 30 minutes away from Lake Michigan.
Lets start with my family, I was born on February 14, 1994, yes on Valentines Day. I was born into a Christian home and am still growing in my Christian faith.  My dad is from Texas and my mom is from southern Michigan. I grew up living what I think would be a pretty normal life, until I was about 8 years old. That’s when my life took a huge turn. And before I continue on with what I’m about to say, I would just like to inform you all that these facts about my family aren’t easy for me to discuss all the time and it is still a sensitive subject for my family, so just be respectful of that. Anyway, in August of 2003, my dad was taken away from my family by the cops, there were allegations that he was inappropriately touching my friend at the time, which weren’t true, but of course when something like that comes up they do an investigation in the household. And through a long process they decided it wasn’t safe for my dad to come back home. Being 8 at the time, I wasn’t told all of the legal aspects of it, and my understanding was that I would get to see my dad a lot sooner than I actually did. Days became weeks, and weeks became months, and months became years. In 2005 my parents got divorced, I still hadn’t seen my dad by this point since he was taken away in 2003. My mom didn’t want to divorce my dad, but the court gave her two options; divorce my dad and keep my sister and I, or stay married to my dad, and give my sister and I up for foster care. So like any good mother she didn’t want to lose her kids and never see them again. I imagine that is one of the most difficult decisions a person could have to make.
My sister and I were confused through this whole process, and quite frankly I can’t remember all of the details, because I blocked them out. My dad moved back to Texas to live with his parents down there, and I didn’t get to say goodbye because the lawyers involved thought it would be best (legally)  if I waited until I was 18 to see my dad again. My dad has been through a heck of a lot, and unfortunately he will never be able to forget that part of his life. A little insight to my dad, he is bi-polar, diabetic, and just deteriorating at this point. And that part of our lives really took a toll on him.  I got to see my dad for the first time in 10 years in October 2013. And that was the last time I saw him, he would love it if I lived down there, but it’s not ideal for me, I have a job and friends and family up here, and it would be a whole new set of, let’s just say, adventures. I love my dad a lot, and I wish he could understand how much I really do.  I might not call him as often as I should, but it can be super overwhelming. I want him to know that Hailee (my sister) and I really do love him so much. And we care about him and his well being.
Anyway, in May 2006 my mom got remarried to my stepdad, Matt. He went to our church and I grew up with him there. So it was very weird and uncomfortable for me when they started dating and got engaged  (on my first trip to DisneyWorld, mind you), and then married. It wasn’t an easy thing to process and I still get upset about it, let’s be honest, what child enjoys seeing their parents get divorced and then remarried, especially when one parent is absent and you feel that they are being replaced?
So after my mom and Matt got married my sister and I moved to a neighboring school, so I had to make all new friends starting in 7th grade, the awkward years. It was not fun! I was a major tomboy and had a hard time making friends and not stumbling over my words because I was so nervous. On the first day of school, some people who turned out to be my friends throughout high school, pointed out to me that I had a “kick me” post-it note on my back. From then on I was embarrassed of myself and thought there was something wrong with me.  I thought it was my hair, so I was really insecure about my weird curly, red hair, that was cut at an awkward length. Eventually I did make friends though, and learned to not care what other people thought of me, it can still be difficult at times to not care, but other times it’s not difficult at all.
Lets continue on about family, in June 2008, my mom had my half sister Victoria, we call her Tori, and I really enjoyed and still enjoy having a sister who is so much younger than me.  And later in April 2010,  my mom had my half brother Alexander, but we call him Xander. I had always wanted a brother, and this was my last chance to have one because my mom and Matt were not going to have any more kids after him. So I was pretty excited about his arrival, of course he has proven as a 5 year old boy now, that boys are so different from girls, and he is a handful. He can be so sweet, and so annoying all at once. We later moved into a house that my family built because our house was too small for six people. And now I’m in a neighborhood where there are pretty much only young couples with young kids, and no one my age.
I am just trying to live my life for God and glorify him. And be a very good example to Tori and Xander. We did just currently get an exchange student from Spain, named Carmen. She will be here for the 2015-16 school year, and this is her first time in the US, so I will probably be updating a lot about her experiences here. I hope you all enjoy what I have to offer in my posts now and in the future, and please keep in mind, that what I write is coming from my heart, and it’s okay to comment a different opinion, but please, no vulgar language or arguments.
Thank you for reading!
~Chloé